My Life

New Drama...

2011-06-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

ok so i officially have new drama!!! so i have been liking this boy for the longest of time now. well actually i have been crushing on him since the beginning of senior year and the only reason why we didnt do anything is because he had a girlfriend and i wasnt about that cheating stuff. but anyways i graduated about a month ago and he just broke up with his girlfriend. now i know your probaly wondering how is this a problem right? well its a problem because i am going away to texas for college and he is staying here... and i just dont know if i could honestly make long distance work... i dont even know if he could make long distance work... and we have been talking for a while and last night he asked me whats going to happen with us and i really dont know. i just dont know if its even worth starting a relationship over. i just dont want to start something here with him then go off to texas and feel tied down to home. and i wouldnt even know what he would be doing because its not like we go to the same school or anything anymore... we are going to be two states away from eachother!!! and its like an 18 hour drive from here to there and i just dont think i could do that. and another problem is that when he was with his girlfriend he was still trying to start something up with me and i wasnt for that so im thinking what if he finds someone he likes in college and starts doing to me what he did to her... what if he wants to be with someone else but wont break up with me just like he did her? i really dont know... i am just so stuck right now. maybe i just need to keep writing because this is really helping ALOT... welp thanks for your ear!!! or eyes!! lol bye blogger!!!!

2011-06-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

i was bored!!!!

June 1. 2011

2011-06-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

ok so my like has been very interesting these past few months. i think that i am going to go on a vacation for a little while... ok so i just graduated from south mountain high school like about a good three weeks ago. and since then i have had my ups and downs but i think the worst thing that could have ever happened to be was yesterday when i found out the boy that i really liked and thought we were actually gonna be something with has a girlfriend who he is very much in love with. i9 think that was the most low down dirty shameful thing someone could have ever done to me. i think the reason it is getting to me like this is because i really like him and i really wanted to be with him and i believed his little story about him not wanting to be in a relationship right now because his heart was still broken from the last one. i really believed him and i think thats where i went wrong. that is where i let my guard down and made myself look stupid because now im the one alone. he is still in a relationship and doing just fine with her but im the one still single with my heart broken for the second time by him. fool me once sham on you fool me twice shame on me. i mean i never would have thought he could or would do something like this to me. i think the number one mai reason i am getting so mad at this whole situation is because he could have said yo can we just be friends right now because i am in a relationship and i do love her very much. i mean it still would have hurt a little bit but i would have respected that and got over him but instead of him doing that he lied to me.., TWICE!! and i believed him time and time again and i just think its time i move on from him. thats why i am so glad that i am going to school in texas away from everyone and all this drama . it is going to give me a chance to try something new. meet new people... do new things. and get away from all of this heartbreak.

The Pussycat Dolls - I Don't Need A Man

2011-01-02T12:56:00.000-08:00

11-16-2010

2010-11-16T10:47:00.000-08:00

So i know that i haven't really been writing in a long time... well on the internet at least. I have been writing on and on in my journal. If your wondering what's been happening with me and the "John Tucker" situation, nothing has been happening at all. Im over that. i see no time in waiting around for something to happen that i know for a fact wont happen. Thats just me. and now we aren't even really friends. we just tolerate each other. So this weekend was pretty interesting because i got to kick it wit my ex... It was a little weird at first but then i got over it. We kicked it till about four in the morning on saturday and then we turned around and did it all again on sunday. I had alot of fun!!! I just don't think that we could ever be together again though because it was too much. We were perfectly good friends though. so m gonna go now and update you some more when i get home tonight cause i gotta go to lunch... TTFN!!!!

UnNormal

2010-11-10T09:16:00.000-08:00

So im going to do something a little different today... I want to talk about fake people. So yesterday this girl was sitting down at our table and she got up to go and get some ater. When she did another girl came and sat down in her seat. When the girl came back, she asked politely if she could have her sat back, thats when the other girl said no. go sit somewhere else. And the girl finally took her stuff while the one that took her seat just nlaughed and talked shit the whole entire time with her little hyenas... So me being the person i am got mad and said that them two were extra fucked up for talking to her like that because they were mad about the same thing the week before. So now im not talking to either one of them because that was stuypid and i could care less about either one. And now they call themselves talking shit about me behind my back!! Seriously!!! Grow some balls and come say that shit to my face.... Silence? I thought so... Thats all. Hope everyone has a good day. I feel much better now!!!

11-9-10

2010-11-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

I don’t know what to do now because everybody knows now (which is all my fault by the way) But there seems to be a few people that weren’t too happy with that. And I would honestly feel the same way though. I just kinda want to take back today and do it over. I should have never let everybody read that paper. I think I just got caught up in the moment, I let it all get to me. I do want to talk to him though because I just put his name all out there like that, which was pretty rude. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that because it’s like he was mad after that and didn’t talk to me at all. And it wasn’t one of those play- play mad either, it was something different, like I just don’t even care anymore its whatever. So I just completely fucked up another relationship. I tend to do that a lot though. So now all I want to do is talk to him and make sure he is ok with the fact that im writing about him publicly with people we know reading it. Especially now that everyone in our little crew knows. I can’t help thinking that I really fucked this one up, big time, I honestly feel bad about it!!! It’s like… everything was going good before I made this stupid thing. We were all going back to the way it was at the beginning of the school year.

In closing, I think im just gonna forget about it. Go back to being friends because I don’t like awkward situations and I don’t like messing up friendships so I am just going o wash my hands with the whole thing. We are better off as friends anyway. That’s the best thing to do right about now.

11-8-10

2010-11-09T05:02:00.000-08:00

So today I went to Mrs. Nava’s office to see when im going to get paid and it turns out that I don’t get my check until the 19^th… that’s next Friday!!! OMG I swear I would have bought my phone by now but I guess not!!! So I know this Blog is about relationships but I thought I would share that little bit of information with you. Well today was kinda weird because its like things were just starting to go back to normal and then I messed it up by publicizing the fact that I like John Tucker. Even though it was on a Blog that a bunch of strangers read… but still. I think that today was extra weird because we were trying not to be awkward around each other. But that just made things even more awkward.

My only problem is the fact that I talked mad shit about the people that liked him, making fun of them having the “Tucker disease” and look at me… I think that’s very weird. Don’t you? But I did want to talk to him about talking to him to see what else he thought about what I had to say and what happens next. Honestly… I want; actually I don’t know what I want. But I don’t want to do anything stupid. My mood was beyond happy today!!! I think it’s because I have no stress on my shoulders, I just let everything go and that feels sooooo good!!! My mom told me that I have a problem because I told her that I was sexually deprived and she said that I need therapy because no virgin should be sexually deprived. I was W E A K!!! But man… I ~~think~~ know that kissing is my strong point. I could do that all day every day with no problem. Especially with big lips. Creating that is the best thing ever created. But you can’t have the lips if you don’t know how to work em!!! Im in make out mood right now though!!! Like im kissing deprived though!!! This may sound nasty but if im not exchanging DNA by Wednesday I just might go crazy!!!

On another note… tell me why when I got home today I thought I was gonna get to have some of my snickers ice cream but when I get to the house it was all gone!!! And the worst part about it is that they had the nerve to put the empty container back in the freezer!!! Man I was heated!!!

Whelp…that’s about all for today!!! TTFN!!!

11-6-10

2010-11-06T21:13:00.001-07:00

Took the SAT's today... It was the most boring thing in the world. Never again!!! So i just explained everything to dariyea and there is no turning back now cause i kinda sort of sent him a message telling him to read it and i dont know how thats gonna turn out, Dont judge me alright. My only fear is that everything happens the same way it did with jahliell. If anything i still want us to be friends. But mann you should have heard what dariyea was sayin... It was OH SO true. But yeah. One thing about me is that i can get over guys easily, if they arent interested i can move on with no hard feelings. I see no point in waitin around, but then again thats just me. So we shall see what happens after he reads it. Good or Bad. Its not worth losing a friendship over so... I have washed my hands with the situation. No hard feelings!!! Well im loggin off now so Good Night my Blogger world!!!

11-5-10

2010-11-05T23:22:00.002-07:00

So today was not productive at all. I didn’t get to talk to John Tucker and I had to have a little “chat” with Chaney about that girl. Honestly, I don’t think I even want to tell him how I really feel anymore cause after I wanted to tell him he just left and now im not even as pumped up as I was before and my mood is like ruined. I think that I might just let it go, and he can be mad at me all he wants but I don’t want to tell him anymore because I don’t think it will be worth it. I just want him to know how I really feel but I don’t want to push anything on him. I kinda want him to find out on his own. Like by reading my journal or something… but then again, I don’t want things to get weird after that, I don’t know, maybe I just want him to feel the same way I do. You know? Like me like I like him. But boys aren’t that easy!!! They always have to be difficult and go around the subject so that they aren’t changing anything but they don’t understand that girls get more attached than guys do. Like a little dare to him could turn into true feelings for her and he will never be able to understand that girls are extra sensitive. Maybe I will tell him one of these days, I just know for a fact that it won’t be on Monday because I already know im not going to be in the mood for that. I really wish i had a phone right now cause I would sooooo send him a text to tell him how I really feel. My mind is just way off right now. I feel kinda dumb right about now though cause its like im stressing big time over a boy that does not have the same feelings I have. You know what? I think im just going to forget about it. Not even tell him how I really feel cause I think it’s just gonna be a waste and I already know it will be because of what I saw him do to Ashley. I just don’t want it to get weird like that. So we shall see what happens!!! Oh and by the way… I have testing tomorrow and I have to get up really early so I think im just gonna finish this off some other time!!! Till Monday!!!

11-4-10

2010-11-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

I am in like straight make out mood right about now. Maybe it will happen and maybe it wont, we just have to wait and see. I really wanted it to happen today but he got picked up. And it didn’t get to happen, but please believe… tomorrow, it is on and poppin. He won’t even know what hit him. They just don’t know!! Whitney gets it in!!! But really, im kinda low key wantin to make out with somebody, like something fierce. But im just going to wait patiently and see what happens tomorrow. OH!!! And we will also have to wait and see what happens with security tomorrow because I heard through the grapevine, that they were looking for me. And I just want to know what for because if it’s because of that female I swear I just might end up beating her ass on sight. Nut imma try to keep myself together and keep my composure. Im just going to say the truth, I said hi to her and she said hi back I said how are you and I said good what about you and she said good and how was your day and I said that the day hadn’t even started yet and then she called herself goin postal on me but you already know Whitney don’t play that so of course I went off on her one time and you know when I go I go hard. So we shall see what happens when I step on south mountain high school campus tomorrow in the morning with my school spirit and everything on. But then again they might have been looking for me because I haven’t been going to class and another reason is because Ms. Nava has been looking for me so that I could go and talk to he about working during the wrestling season.

Oh and Ashley supposed to be throwing Amber and Sabrina a party for they birthday and Kevin is going bowling for his birthday which is on the 27^th and 28^th which just so happens to be the same time they are having their little “reunion” for our 2007 class but the only problem with that is the fact that I don’t talk to them like that anymore, only Desiree, and I don’t want to be all quiet and awkward and everything around a bunch of strangers so imma just go with the besties!!! TOMORROW!!!

11-3-2010

2010-11-05T23:21:00.001-07:00

So school… it was pretty much the worst day in the history of school. I don’t know, maybe im being a little dramatic but I don’t care, I think that I am almost ready to say whatever im done I wash my hands with you. I just want to be able to go a whole week without us being bmad at each other and its like we are fighting over the dumbest things!!! Maybe im reading too much into it cause its like im letting myself get attached to him and im not even sure that he feels that way about me. Like right now, im reading this book called: He’s just not that into you. And in this book it’s giving different occasions where guys are just basically saying that they don’t like you and they are giving you all these excuses and you just make up lies for him and they were all reading too much into it instead of facing the facts. Maybe that what im doing because I know that he doesn’t like me that way, just as a friend he wants to bone. My only problem with that is the fact that it is my first time and after that I still have to look at you when we are at school and everything, I even have a class with him!!! And he just expects it to be a toot it and boot it but I actually want to be in a good relationship before I get to that level. I just really wanna stop playing games, you know? Its like I can only take so much from him and after a while it starts to get old. So now im back on my high key. And if I were to call some of those same friends over again and let what happened last time happen again, I would be the one who’s wrong. I think this is getting to a point where it’s not even worth it anymore. Oh, and another thing… me and Ashley are speaking to each other again!!! All that homecoming drama is behind us. Even though we still have our little moments, but for the most part we are over it. Back to that sex thing… I might be ready for it physically, but I don’t think im mentally ready for something as big as that. Im gonna have to think about it long and hard because that is something serious… very serious.

So I have been seriously thinking about it and I came to the conclusion that I can say whatever I want now, but when the opportunity actually presents itself, I might do something completely different. So we shall wait and see until it actually happens.

11-2-2010

2010-11-05T23:20:00.001-07:00

Alrighty so today was pretty much amazing!!! I left school early, as usual, and I was on the bus with John and we were flirting and all that good stuff… it was fun, even though the tramp bit me on my cheek!!! And then he kept licking me and pinching me… but then again that’s what you get when you come down with that Tucker disease!!! But I don’t want him to know I like him, even though I think he knows, but still... I want things to stay fun like they are. I actually like being around him, even though he thinks he can just smash anywhere he wants, but whatever. I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon anyways so he can try all he wants but that don’t mean imma give in!!! Maybe I need to go to see someone about some help or something because it seems that I actually like being around guys like that. He is VERY aggressive though. Always hitting people!!! Like the other day, he called his self trying to fight me Amebr and Ashley but that wasn’t happening!!! Plus he not crippled anymore so we won’t feel bad about hitting him anymore.

On another note… we have senior pictures tomorrow!!! We actually get to make our mark! I can’t wait for senior ditch day though. I want to go bowling or something, you know? I wanna go somewhere fun. Like skating or something. But yeah, im kind of excited about tomorrow though because I get to do it all over again, it’s like my friends and I have this power over people that is just amazing!!! We can do or say whatever we want because we are the ones on top in our clique.

11-1-10

2010-11-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

Alrighty so I am having the best time of my life living it up senior year!!! I mean can you believe that I am actually on the verge of graduating?!?!?!! I really can’t wait for prom though! I just want to say that now that all of the “adult supervision” is gone, I can actually live my live and do what I want to do without someone always being there judging me and telling me what I can or can’t do. Alrighty so now for the real reason why im writing tonight…

Mr. John Tucker!!! So he likes me and I like him but the only real problem is that the fact that we don’t know what is going to happen if we actually get involved with each other. I mean with him it seems like its just a physical thing and that he just wants to smash… but im not like that and although im a bit “sexually deprived” I think that doing it with him of all people would be setting myself up for failure. I just think that if he keeps pushing me I just might give in cause his game aint no joke and maybe, just maybe, with the right words, I will have come down with the Tucker disease. Im already showing some of the symptoms too!!! But at school everybody in our circle knows that’s MY booskie and that we flirt and everything but he is single and he can do whoever or whatever he wants to cause we’re not together but he is mine, to a certain extent. We all found that out on homecoming night… everybody was jealous cause he wanted to be around me and not him but honestly its like, if you really want to talk to him then go and do it cause he not gonna turn you down right on the spot. Everybody always be getting so shy and stuff around him but he not gonna sit there and dis you or talk shit in your face, he is actually a nice person!!! I mean its not that serious, if you want to talk to the boy, then go up to him and talk to him… its not like its gonna be the end of the world or anything!! He is just another human being that lives and breathes just like you do and he feels the same things you feel, he just has different ways of showing his emotions.

Relationships

2010-11-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

Alright so me and this guy like each other but its like he lets stupid stuff make him mad. so now i have been listening ti cant be friends by trey songz all day trying to get over this. and the last time he had made me high key mad so i had invited a few friends over my house and i ended up making out with this other guy and he found out and got all mad but its like: we aren't together so why the hell are you getting mad at me for something you could have prevented in the first place. so now I'm just ugh and i am seriously thinking about saying forget it, forget you, I'm gonna do me and let you do you. i don't have time for no petty games. come talk to me when you can say how you really feel.